Hustling for pussy caused early man to evolve.

In 1992, archaeologists digging in Ethiopia discovered the pulverized skeleton of an as yet undiscovered species of ape that was 4.4 million years old. This month, after 17 years of reconstruction and study, scientists announced that the skeleton was in fact the oldest fossil of a human ancestor ever found, Ardipithecus ramidus.



Cute huh? Careful ladies, he knows how to get what he wants.

One theory that scientists have put forth to explain how Ardi evolved from swinging in trees on all fours, to running across grasslands on two legs, was to secure sex from a female:

Virtually all apes and monkeys, especially males, have long upper canine teeth—formidable weapons in fights for mating opportunities.

But Ardipithecus appears to have already embarked on a uniquely human evolutionary path, with canines reduced in size and dramatically "feminized" to a stubby, diamond shape, according to the researchers. Males and female specimens are also close to each other in body size.

Lovejoy sees these changes as part of an epochal shift in social behavior: Instead of fighting for access to females, a male Ardipithecus would supply a "targeted female" and her offspring with gathered foods and gain her sexual loyalty in return.

To keep up his end of the deal, a male needed to have his hands free to carry home the food. Bipedalism may have been a poor way for Ardipithecus to get around, but through its contribution to the "sex for food" contract, it would have been an excellent way to bear more offspring. And in evolution, of course, more offspring is the name of the game.

So ladies, next time you have to fend off the advances of some knuckle dragging d-bag in a bar, bare in mind he's just trying to evolve.